Thank you WordPress

•May 2, 2011 • Leave a Comment

Hi all, I am writing this blog to Thank wordpress for so many things

1. for having a place to blog for FREE

2. for being so understanding and allowing me to have my blog back, after I was bad–although I didn’t know I was being bad.

3. for being so nice as to tell me what to do, and how to do it, so that I could have my blog back

4. for understanding that I was not intentionally BAD

5. and just thank you for allowing me to connect to my doggin, once again, through the thoughts I had while he was still with me.

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Life does not go on.

•November 11, 2010 • 2 Comments

November 11, 2010…………………. and I am sitting at my computer, getting ready for a meeting tonight, working working as always, remodling my home, getting ready for fairs…… all appears to be as normal…………. but it isn’t.

My soul mutt is no longer at my feet, his soft gentle breathing does not comfort me at night while I sleep, his big warm body does not press up against me as I drive, and my life is not as it was.

I know it is NORMAL to grieve, and I know I am grieving, and people have tried to give me dogs, and puppies and cute critters.  And I appreciate my friends and their careing about me. I appreciate that they love me and want me to be happy and feel good in my life, and I know all of this, and life is not the same.

I understand the psychology of loving an animal because there is not a spouse in my life, I understand all of that, I even know that my animal was a substitute for more children, or a child that lived at home.

But, you know what?  I say SO WHAT?  So what if my beloved Draggy was a substitute?  He never asked to borrow the car, or for a bigger allowance, or to do anything, he just loved me.  ME…….. the ME I was, no matter if I had a shower or not! No matter if I stayed out late or not, no matter if I forgot to buy dog food, and gave him my food, he love me, and he loved me every second of every hour of every day of every year of his life. And I loved him.

Oh, I had a few boyfriends and lovers, and girl friends and all of that while he was around, and I tried to put them first, but Draggy was always there.  He was always by my side, he never gave up on me, he never left me, he never was cruel or mean or unfaithful. He didn’t expect anything of me, and he didn’t demand anything either.

He kept me young, as we always got in our walkies during the day. He kept me sane, as when life was just too much, I stayed on the planet to take care of him. He kept me well, as he could curl up against me and keep me warm and he kept me safe, from SO many things, as he was always a good bark or maybe even bite away!

I thought it would get easier, as time passed, but it’s been 3 months, and if anything it is more difficult. I thought that I would get a new puppie or even an elder dog, a rescue dog, but I have no interest. I thought that I would change, that my life would instantly be more adventurous, because I could travel, but I haven’t, and I thought that I might not miss him so much, but each day brings a new way for me to miss him.

I see something outside, and I look for him to show him. I meet a new friend, and I want to introduce him. I have a dream, and I want to cuddle him. I wake in the middle of the night, and my arm reaches across the covers to where he used to lay, his soft big warm body, snoozing cozily near me, just being there, allowing me to sleep, or get up, or snooze, or cuddle, or chat away about a dream, then his smooth wet nose would nudge me, letting me know that all was well, he was here, and life was good.

I know that people say that someday, I’ll want another dog, that someday I’ll stop grieving, that someday I’ll want to move on, and that someday I’ll be okay. I’ll change. I”ll be different. I’ll be okay. I”ll want to do something, with someone or about something. and that may be true. someday, but not today.

Today, is one of those cold blustery, curl up on the couch with a hot cup of tea days, and snuggle with a big ole’ doggin, who is all cozy and warm, and lays up against you, and makes you laugh out loud. It’s one of those days, that you make hot soup, and pour some into a bowl with a big crusty piece of bread, and let your doggin, slurp up the last bits, as you both enjoy the wind on the water, and the falling leaves.

Today, is one of those days where you think about life and friends, and people from the past, and the Holidays fast aproaching, and what you wish you had done in your turbulent youth, and what you still will do in your graying years, and who will still be with you, and who won’t.

Today, is one of those days that makes your remember fondly all the muddy paw prints on the carpet, and the turned over bowls of food, and the chewed up cell phones of puppy years, and it makes you want to sit right down and cry. Because that is a memory of a long lost love, who can not return. And no matter what you do, what you say, or what you spend, you can’t get those years back. They are gone, and that is that.

Today, is one of those days, where my heart is joyous for the knowing of him, and heavy for the loss of him, and tickled for remembering his antics, and saddened by the emptiness it holds.  Love knows know species.

I miss you Draggy. And life is not the same.

Raw devotion

•August 15, 2010 • 3 Comments

My beloved Draggon Doggin, my soul mutt, my best friend, my one and only true pure love has passed over to a delightful, warm, and totally blissful place.

I am beyond devastated.

Although he has visited me many times since his passing on August 3, 2010, and I have posted on facebook, visited my son and grandchildren, gone on with my life, mowed my lawn, taken showers, gone to bed, woke up, and worked………… my life is not the same.  I am not the same.

He chose to ween me off of his constant companionship so sweetly, by not being able to get into the bed, so I added stairs, then even with stairs, he could no longer get into bed, for the past several months, I have slept alone, with him on the floor on his favorite sleeping bag, snooring away.  I’d wake up in the middle of the night, and I”d listen for his soft cozy breathing, and I’d know he was still with me, but his soft warm furr, was not near enough to pet. He weened me off of his warm sleeping body next to me.

He was unable to climb into my car, and I was unable to get him to use the steps I bought for him to get into the car, he was 80 pounds, so I could not lift him, I realized that him coming with me in the car had ended, and that was also months ago. He weened me off of his companionship whenever I left the house.

He was unable to get up and down the two small stairs in my home, from my office to the upper part of the house, where the bathroom and kitchen were, ……… well, he COULD manage it, but it was painful for him, so he would wait in my office, watching me from afar, until I returned to his side, then once or twice a day, we’d walk around the house, where there are no stairs to the front of the house, and he’s walk into the upper part, a gradual slope of lawn aided this, and was accomplished by my removing the rock walls that had been in my garden for so many years. I knew they caused him challenges, so I had them removed over the past 4 years, as I could afford it. Now all of my lawn is a gradual slope from the front of my home to the back, and he could walk that……

I had made a nice slope to the lake for him, and he was able to go into the lake twice this summer. I had added dirt into the rock wall, that he used to so easily jump up and down when he was younger. The dirt made it into a small road, and when I cut back all the bushes, he was able to get into the lake…… although getting him out was a bit more challenging.

I added small low steps to my decks in case he wanted to lay on them, but alas old bones like softer surfaces……. so the cool grass was his outside choice for comfort.

The wide step by my hottub was used when he was younger to jump up and lick my hand which probably tasted salty or at least wet with the hot tub water, but that too was too high for him to reach, so I removed it, and allowed him his dignity so he could still be near me in my decadent hot tub pleasures each day, hanging my arm over the side for his nuzzle and a soft pat.

The carpets were covered over the last few years, because of his inability to control his bowels, and all of those towels and tarps are now removed, and I can see carpet again. I had two friends come out twice, and I removed all the tarps so they wouldn’t see, and my house looked almost normal for those couple of visits. But all of the parties I used to have, had not been enjoyed in these last years because of this, and now I can have costume parties, tea parties, boat parties again,— but I dont’ want to.

My life is so much more free to go and return. My cat takes care of himself gorging on rodents from the fields, and my beautiful bird is easily amused by all the goings on on the lake, and her food and water last her two weeks without my interferance.

I hear him. His panting and soft sweet bark, as he was deaf these past few years, he would politely bark once to let me know that he was ready to come into the house after he was outside.  He’d wait patiently for me, and if I was not there in a few minutes, he’d give me one more bark, then try another door, as I have 6 outside doors, he would be smart and come to my office door first, then my waiting room door, then my studio door, then the front door, he’d work his way around the house before settling in the front garden and waiting patiently — oh so patiently — for me to find him.

I see him. In my mind, in the shadows in the dent in the bed now, in the grass, in the lake, in the meadow, that rustling of tall grasses, and that handsome black nose peeping out at me. I see his foot prints in the sand, and the fresh dirt in the gardens, I see his nose print on the glass of the french doors, I see his hair in the corners of my home where the vaccum didn’t reach, and I see him waiting in my car for me.

I feel him. His warmth as I crawl into bed, his soft gentle muzzle on my leg, as I sit at the computer working, his warm breath on my knee…………. his paw on my hand, and his big cuddly waggly tail body bump up against me as I walk down the hall.

I can smell his soft warm doggy aroma when it rains, and I remember he’d come in all surface wet and smiling, I’d grab a big fluffy towel to dry him off, and he’d be wagging and smiling up at me, all excited to be rubbed down. I can smell his fresh dirt digging smell when we’d come in from the gardens, and he’d bring in clumps of fresh earth on his paws and track them all over my kitchen tiles, such a fresh clean earthy smell. I can smell rosemary, as he loved to walk through my huge rosemary plant in the back yard, and he’d come in smelling so good……………… I can smell the sage and thyme and lavendar too as they are also plants that he’d walk under and he’d bring in those luscious scents for me to enjoy, as I was always on the computer working, while he was outside enjoying life.

I can feel his love in my home, in all of the furniture that he used to lay on, the rugs he used to walk on, the carpet he used to sleep on, his pillows, his comforter, his sleeping bag, his favorite blanket, and his favorite alpaka throw rug that he slept on from the day I bought it.

I can feel him in my heart and he will never leave me………… as all the men have.

We are born alone and we die alone, but when we connect to a being so angelic as a loving dog, there is no alone in your life.

When he passed, I saw my kitty Opus waiting for him, Opus passed away in 2001, and Draggon and Opus were best friends. My other dog Grizz was also waiting for him, although Grizz passed away one year before Draggon was born…… but then Grizz is with me all the time too…….. so Draggon met him in ghost form in my home………. and my mom, she was there, she passed away in 1985. And I was surprised that she was waiting for him, because she’d never met him, but she was. And I was also surprised that I didn’t see Khadji my afghan who passed away years ago, but had lived with Draggon for at least 6 of his first years, but she was always quiet and shy, so she may have been waiting behind all the others.

When Draggon passed away part of me went with him, and I miss him more than I believed was possible.

He tried to prepare me for life without him, he tried to be with me constantly and yet ween me off of him, he tried.

He was my sweet gentle protector dog, he was with me through break ups, through the most difficult times in my life, he was with me when I went through meno-pause and he still loved me. …… he has been my one true friend.

He took his last breath in my arms. I am so blessed to have been loved by such an angelic being.

Raw veggie soup

•July 4, 2010 • Leave a Comment
mmmmmmmmmmmm just made RAW veggie soup in my Vita Mix, happy happy YUM. water, tomatoe, carrot, cabbage, cilantro, garlic, secret spices, blap it up, drink/eat mas quantities of YUMMINESS~
it never ceases to amaze me that I can eat two boca burgers, or 1/2 a cheese pizza, but when it comes to raw food, I eat about 1/4 of what I normally eat. I drank/ate 1 cup of soup, and that filled me up.
I think it is because our bodies know that it is actually receiving nutrition, and so we only eat a certain amount,
Where with cooked food, we really aren’t getting any nutrition at all.
Why won’t doctors learn?  it seems so odd to me, that they take an oath to “do no harm” then give us prescription medication. What’s up with THAT?
Have a beautiful 4th of July, I’m relaxing, trying to keep all my animals safe inside and feeling loved and protected.
Thank goodness my doggin is old and almost deaf, he can smell the gunpowder in the fire crackers, and he can hear them a little, but mostly, he’s just laying at my feet, and looking up at me to keep him safe.
I’m a good pack leader, he’s safe with me.

Raw devotion!

•February 12, 2010 • Leave a Comment

Ah, yet another dog poop story, for those of the not so faint of heart, I hear I make even the most intensly challenging experience, funny, so feel free to read on.

Last weekend I was invited to see a play that my best friend’s son had directed. Oh, and it was a good play, “Tomb with a view” I laughed very hard during the entire play, it was very funny, and great directing. My freind’s son is quite talented in many aspects.

But, let’s get down to the real story.

My friend and I met about 7  years ago at an artist thingie, we instantly became great friends, and because he lives winthin my driving area — about an hour away — we get together about once a month or so, there is no set arrangement, we just email most days, little fun tid bits of wisdom or humor, and chat on the phone occasionally and do dinner and plays, usually most of his family comes, he has three lovely children who have grown into lovely young adults, and a beautiful and sweet wife. All in all a wonderful family and I’m proud to call them all my friends.

So, I drive to heck and gone to see this play, it’s late, it’s dusk, and I’m in unfamiliar territory, with my beloved geriatric doggin in the back of my Smart car, small car, big dog, so I keep the passenger seat folded forward, so he doesn’t feel too claustrophobic, and because his back legs don’t fold up too well, you get the picture.

Now, this is the same doggin that was born at my house 14 years ago, he’s been with me longer than any of my boyfriends or husbands, and he’s my soul mate. Just to be clear, we aren’t ever seperating, it’s a real “till death do us part” type of love.

So, my doggin lets me know that he wants to get out and explore the peeing territory, so I let him out in the rain — I do live in the Pacific Northwest — and my friend is being a gentleman in his nice looking jeans and handsome jacket, his beautiful gloves, with an umbrella to keep me dry as we walk in to the play together, did I say “GENTLEMAN!”

Doggin is sniffing about, rain is coming down, friend is patiently waiting, and I’m chattering away, as I’m happy to see said friend, and family and play, and to get out of my work space, as I work every day, all day, rain or shine, no vacations, except occasional trips to the grocery to buy food, OH, and I do take out the garbage once a month.

So, dog continues to sniff with no success, so we request his presence back in the car, so my friend, his family, and I can go watch the play. Dog obliges, and lays comfortably in the itty bitty back area of my Smart car.

Play goes on, life is good, laugh laugh, joke joke, hug director, son of friend, meet his freinds, meet play cast, and we all go back to our cars so we can go to dinner somewhere, although it’s quite late, we are sure we can find something open.

As my friend walks me out to my car, chatting the entire way, with the umbrella over both of us, he in his lovely jacket and me in my regular all black ensemble’ ———– a waft of some kind of horrible stench permeates our noses, as our lips curl upwards in a cauliflower cooking kind of way………………. and it hits us ——————- square in the jaw————- THAT poop smell, and we’re still about 20 feet from my car.

I pray silently that it is a differnt dog poop smell, and maybe there was dog poop in the theater under my seat, and somehow I’ve tracked it with me, or maybe some skunk has died a few yards away, or maybe the end of the world has come and this is merely rotting corpses……… alas………. none of the above.

It is eminating from my baby car, the intense aroma of old dog who  isn’t too healthy, pooping. It isn’t a fresh kind of spring meadow dog poop, darn it. It is intense, it is old dog, it is wet stinky old dog, it is the dreaded poop of the soon to be departed, road kill, zombie stench.
UGH!. I am hoping that my friend has a bad nose, he has said he has a bag nose more than once, I’m hoping it is true, although this stench could conquer any blocked sinus…………… I wait, my friend says nothing…… we continue walking………….. I hesitate to open the car door, as that closed door …… keeps some of the fragrance inside. My friend is a gentleman, he waits for me to get in my car, lock the door and start the engine, then he goes back to his car, and off we go to try to find dinner, as if anyone would want to consume food after this smell has crawled up their nose.

We find a Japanese restaurant, where they cook the food in front of us, it’s lovely, he and his wife shara a meal, they are so healthy, and his lovely sweet daughter- whom I adore- has a salad, director is off with cast, and other daughter is off with new husband. I eat desert and an appetizer, and we chat and have a good time.

We all discuss the fact that my dog “MAY” have had an accident in my car, and that he has towels and blankets back there, I say, “THOUGHT” I might have smelled something. My friend, says, “YES” he could tell as we approached the car, that my dog “MAY ” have had an accident — tactful friend.

We all hug, say our goodbyes, and we go back to our cars………. I climb into my car, and I can barely breath, the stench seems to be worse, or am I imagining it?  Within a few minute my nose is dead, I can’t small anything now, all of the nerve endings have been seered. and my doggin is happily content laying in the back, I see nothing, but I smell it, then I don’t, I hope It’s just gas………… but  it is alive……….. it is zombie poop and it will come and get me in my sleep… crawling with it’s ucky poop fingers across my bed, I know this because the first time I experienced this horrible zombie poop was IN MY BED, you can read THAT blog also if you wish.

Well, we get home after an hour of driving, and I open the door, let out said doggin, and assess the damage.

Always before my doggin has kindly pooped on the towel or blankets in the back, and it has been an easy job of picking up towel, tossing away poop plop, and washing towel, spraying hydrogen peroxide in my car, and all is well, with a bit of wet wash cloth cleaning of said doggin’s butt.

Not so, my friends, for some unknown reason…….. maybe because he was bored, and thought his artistic genius was being wasted, or maybe because he was forced to sit in his poop……….. but for SOME reason he decided to be creative this time.

When doggin was out of the car, I saw IT. It was squashed into the fake felt carpeting that covered the back of my car, squished into the sides of the compartment, pushed into the backs of the seats, they are metal thank Goddess, and squooshed under the backs of the seats………. MY GAWD MAHN!!!!!!!!!!! what were you doing? Poop painting in the back of my car?

Both towels, both blankets and the entire carpet were covered with poop, and please remember this isn’t any normal dog poop, this is zombie poop the most horrific stench of all time………….

I decided there wasn’t much I could do but to start to clean it up, in the rain at midnight in the dark.

So, doggin was allowed to stay outside in the rain while I went into the house, pulled on a pari of rubber dish washing gloves, that I bought for poop emergencies, tore one in half in my haste, and pulled out about 5 towels, dowsed them with hot water and soap, and cleaned him up.  That wasn’t so bad, poop thankfully does not stick to furr well, so WHEW, doggin is finished, I let him in the house, and I go out to tackel the car.

I take a large metal spoon that I use in the garden to plant bulbs, never liked those short handled bulb planters to do the scraping of the poop in the felt fake carpeting, as that is my only idea in the pouring rain at midnight to remove most of the plop.  I’m getting to be a real expert when it comes to poop, and so I’m pretty good at getting it out of most things. I scrape and I fling it into the grass, I scrape, and I scrapte. Well MOST of the largest squished plop is removed. I also see smeers, and lovely paintings of poop on various surfaces, hot steamy towels come next, then hydrogen peroxide to remove the smell and to sanitize, and I clean up what I can see.

I am drenched from the rain, doggin is inside watching me through the front french doors, kitteh is sitting in the rain (he likes that) watching wondering when he will get to see me do something fun. like fall and break my leg, and I am not too sure that I have it all, because the stench must be up my nose as it follows me about.

Once I’m in the house, I pop everything into the washing machine, pour in bleach and turn it to hot wash— I am so conservative minded, I don’t think I’ve ever used that cycle, but I’m glad– if for only this once == to have it!

I STILL smell poop, I check my shoes, and I wash my hands, and I toss the rubber gloves into the trash, inside out, and I rinse in super hot water the big metal spoon, and I take everything that was in the drawer the spoon was in, and wash that in boiling water too, and I STILL smell said poop.

Well, I figure it’s in my nose now, it will take a while to extracate it from my sinuses.

I take off my clothes, and go to bed, and I sleep the sleep of someone who worked way too hard in the pouring rain, at midnight. My doggin climbs into bed next to me, and we snore our way through the night.

The next morning I get up, take my shower, and go back into my bedroom, and there it is, the poop smell, now I KNOW I”ve cleaned off my dog, there is no fresh poop, as he’s still sleeping, so I pick up my clothes, and THERE it is, plane as day, right on the butt of my pants. a big crusted on plop of dog poop.

I have to actually laugh out loud, because this doesn’t mean I’ve sat in dog poop, oh no, THAT would be too easy…………….. it means I WORE dog poop ………. probably throughout dinner…….. I remember how my friends only ordered one meal, and barely touched it, I remember how we chatted, and the hugs, I remember their sweetness and kindness as I was chatting about my dog, “MAY” have had an accident, and I realize their politeness and tactfulness, as they sat through dinner, without saying a word, of how badly I smelled. Well, how badly my pants smelled.

I thought it was in my nose, I didn’t realize I was wearing it.

Well, I cleaned my clothes, and I cleaned up the front seat of my car, YEP right there in front of God/dess and everybody was the big ole’ plop that I had sat in. squished into the driver’s seat, plane as day — in the daylight.

I have great friends, who didn’t say a word…… and why didn’t they say anything?……… because there was nothing I could do, telling me I stunk like dog poop would have only embarassed me. It wasn’t like I had a change of clothes that I could put on. So, my good friends said nothing. Good kind loving friends…… they are the best!

Although,………….. it’s odd, but I haven’t heard from them since. ……………………………………………………

Raw jury~

•February 8, 2010 • Leave a Comment

WOW!

Jury Duty!  Such a challenging, yet interesting process.

Since my physical address, and my mailing address are two different addresses, as I live very rural, and mail is often taken from the physical box, I never use it.

About once a month, the mail person, requests that I open it up and remove all the junk mail. I personally think that she should just NOT deliver me junk mail, but that seems to be too difficult for her to do, so I accomodate her by going and removing the junk mail.

Well, I did this on Thursday, and there was a summons to appear on Monday– today — for Jury duty.

Now, I am self employed, and jury duty lasts two weeks. Which I simply can not be away from my office that long.  If I could, I’d be in Hawaii right now!

The courthouse does not have wifi, so I am unable to use my laptop there. So, I would have simply sent in the request to be excused, but it needed to be in to them several weeks ago.  So, I got up at 5am and drove through the immensely dense fog, in the dark, at night, in rush hour traffic, UGH!   So I could be there at 7:30 am, so I could get a close parking spot, (as I am hobbling around, with my cane, as I blew out my knee–AGAIN!– IF I would EVER go to a doctor, I would have had a doctor’s note to say I needed a disabled parking space, but again– I never go and I knew I’d have to hike down some hills- as Tacoma is one big hill–and go through all the scanners and get to the jury registration, prior to the jury selection at 8:30. I was SO lucky, as I got a parking spot right up front.

YEAH!

Well, after the almost strip search, — thank goodness, I thought ahead, and left BOTH of my knives at home, as I always carry my swiss army knife, and my swiss army card–both have come in handy many times with knives, pins, pens, scissors, rulers, etc. — they looked at my bottle of water, they opened my books, they made me raise up my pant’s legs, and I don’t even own underware, but I’m glad I told them that, because they were making people take their clothes off in front of God/dess and everybody. LOL– Okay– not quite– but close.

Well, after all of that, I finally got up to the jury room, and waited in line, when it came to being registered,they asked me if I could easily be available for two weeks. — you see the operative word was — EASILY — which of course, I was honest, and said “No,” I explained that I wanted to do my civic duty, but I couldn’t do it “EASILY” so they said I was excused.

Fast and easy and simple.

I would have been happy giving them some time, or if I had more warning (I changed my address for them) I could have maybe made arrangements, I’ve served on a jury before, and it was pretty boring, although intriguing.

I suppose it’s because I am a different shade of horse, as I believe that IF there is a law, and you choose to live in that society with that law, then you should obey that law— or move. I also believe that there are many sides to every story, and that people can and do strange things when they feel they have no way out.

Given my way of thinking, I can not easily make the judgement of who is guilty, although I have high ethics, and I can definitely say who followed the law.  So………….. would I be a good juror or not? Maybe, maybe not. As our judicial system, isn’t about who is right and who is wrong, it appears to be about who has a better attorney. Which in my ethical opinion, isn’t fair.

I was talking to my son about this, he has a cousin,– that we both love — but who has had misdemeanors, assaults, dui’s, arrests far and wide, multiple times, ever since he was a young teen, and they always let him out. Every time, with no by your leave! Which, although I LOVE him, I do not think is fair. As I also know people who have never had any kind of trouble, end up going to jail for two years. So, our system is NOT fair.  Although, I’m sure that it is right for the person at their time of manifesting their sentence.

That is one of the many reasons, that I drive the speed limit, even when people honk, and flip me off, I drive the speed limit, just because they are annoyed by me, and they think I SHOULD drive as they do, I will continue to drive the speed limit, as I believe in following the laws of the land that I choose to live in.

What does this have to do with eating raw? Everything, as I also feel that I MUST follow those 100% raw rules to the max, and maybe that is why, I get honked at and flipped off, by cooked food. LOL just a thought.

Have a beautiful evening.– I will — NOW, that I can relax, and not worry about getting downtown in rush hour at the crack of dawn- tomorrow, WHEW!– So glad I work from home, just SEEING women in nylons, freeked me out!

Raw beyond delicious

•January 31, 2010 • 4 Comments

Here is a new raw recipe that I conjured up just yesterday, it is beyond yummy—– so delicious, I can barely stand it. Enjoy

Chocolate covered Bavarian cream filled doughnuts
Special Equipment: food processor, dehydrator

Doughnuts:
3 bananas (peeled)
1 T vanilla extract or 1 full vanilla bean (scraped)

Blend all above ingredients in a food processor until well blended, pour out

onto a teflex sheet and dehydrate until you can flip over onto a mesh dehydrator screen, you are making one large sheet of dough.

Filling:

1 cups cashews (soaked)
1/2 cup medjool dates (soaked in 1/2 cup water)(save water)
1/4 cup white grape juice, or orange juice
1/2 tsp vanilla extract or 1/2 inch vanilla bean (scraped)

Blend all filling ingredients in a food processor until smooth and creamy.
You may add some of the date soak water if needed to keep it moving, if you want it super smooth and creamy, you may use a high speed blender.

Chocolate frosting:
1/4 cup carob or cocoa powder
1/4 cup honey or agave
1 tsp. vanilla extract or 1 inch vanilla bean (scraped)
dash sea salt.

Blend carob and honey in a food processor until well blended.
Pour Chocolate mixture on top, and serve.

To assemble:  Once the banana mixture is firm enough to handle, take out of dehydrator and cut with either a sharp knife or scissors into four rounds.  Fill two of the rounds with the filling, use a dab of water or juice to seal the edges. You should have 2 doughtnuts.  Spread frosting on top and serve. Allow to sit for 30 minutes so the moisture in the filling makes the banana leather softer. Enjoy.